With the advent of facebook, I have become 'reconnected' with a lot of people. Some of them from grade school through high school, some from college, and some from the various places I've lived throughout my life. There are a few who have requested me to be their friend, and I've thought, "what the heck, since when were you ever my friend?" Memories flood into my mind and heart. Some were mere acquaintances, some I admired from a distance, some I've been curious about how their lives turned out, where are they at decades down the road? Some of them are friends of my children. It's fun to see what they are doing with their lives, who they married, their children. The pictures that are posted, links shared, the updates posted have opened a window into their morals, ethics, political leanings, what matters most in their lives. It's been exciting to see how wonderful most of them are. Then, I've been disappointed in a few, truly believed they had more to them than what they were showing.
We label who we are. We don't need anyone else to do it for us. By what we have to say and share we let those around us glimpse into our minds and hearts...and those are the things that define us.
I've had a lot of interesting memories wash upon me. I've been thinking a lot about how what we say and how we treat other people truly have a lasting impact on our lives; especially those things that were said and done to us in our formative years.
For quite a few years, we had a dairy. Like the busy ants in Aesop's Fables, there was a lot to do to get ready for winter. One of those things was bringing in a lot of hay and straw. We were also building sheds out of metal, which required the use of a welder. One afternoon while I was milking and Stan was welding, our straw stack, with tons of straw, caught fire. That is an impressive sight, in a gut wrenching, sickening way. Unless you had a fire hose within immediate reach, there is no stopping a straw fire. It is immediate and intense. The only way to get it out is to bring in large tractors and pull the stack apart. We had three fire departments come to help put out the fire and prevent it from spreading to the 150+ tons of hay we had stored, the farm buildings, and the house. The land fill was fairly close to our farm, and they immediately drove over with the ginormous tractors. It took hours to finally get the fire out and ensure there were no hot spots. Actually, to ensure no hot spots, we got up every little while through the night and went out to check the stacks.
As devastating as the fire was, something else happened that day that was much more devastating and had more lasting consequences than the fire.
As the children were coming home from school on the bus, and it was apparent that the fire was at our farm, there were several children on the bus who started mocking my daughters, saying that they hoped it was our house that was on fire, then we would have to move, and voiced their disappointment when it wasn't.
Now one of the children who was involved in this exchange has wonderful parents. Somehow, they found out about what was said and brought their child to the house to apologize. The child was tearful, the parent horrified and apologetic that their child would have said something so awful. The apology was accepted. Life was so busy, I soon forgot the exchange.
Years later when this child was grown, very responsible, a good adult; I was telling my daughters (at different times and settings) about the good things they had accomplished. Both of my daughters said the same thing. "I can't help looking at them and remembering how they wanted our house to burn down." More than 10 years later, the hurt was still there. I know the reason the hurt was still there wasn't just what happened on the bus, but various things continued to happen throughout their school years there. Other parents' responses were "Oh, kids will be kids, what does it matter?" It matters a lot! I know their perception would have been quite different had their children been on the receiving end.
The reason I remembered this tonight was because I was thinking about how mean so many people were to one the boys I went to school with, who is now a friend on facebook. I remember how mean 'Coachy' was to him in P. E. in grade school. Which brought me to thoughts of how mean some peers were to me.
There was an accident playing baseball when I was 7 years old that ended with the baseball bat connecting with my teeth, and my two front teeth, most of them, on the ground. I had two silver caps, that was the only solution in 1964. I became Reera Kay Silver Tooth. When I was in 4th grade, one of those caps got swallowed with sticky candy, and never replaced. I had a silver cap and a diagonally chipped tooth. I became Reera Kay Snaggle Tooth. Every year at Christmas time everyone sang to me, "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth, my two front teeth..." When my mouth became full grown, just before I entered 10th grade, I was overjoyed when my dad took me to the dentist and I got porcelain caps. I thought it would mean all the difference in how I was treated....but... I became Reera Kay Rabbit Teeth. It wasn't everyone, and it wasn't all the time, but I don't know how many years it took for me to look in the mirror and feel that I wasn't ugly!
I remember the Dunnagans. They lived in our area for about a year when I was growing up. They were a very poor family. The oldest was a girl named Donna. She was SO protective of her little brothers! They were not very clean. From what I understood, whether it was hearsay or not, I don't know, they lived in a shack without any running water. They were taunted and made fun of unmercifully on the bus. One day, Donna got on the bus with a horrible burn on her arm. You would think people would be concerned and want to help....no, just another thing to make fun of. They moved shortly after that. I have always been so ashamed that I didn't defend them.
Words can lift us up to where we feel we can conquer anything, give us confidence, make us feel like a Prince or Princess, even if we are rather plain, encourage us, etc. Or...they can make it hard to breathe.
Remembering these things helps me understand how vital words are. I can make a difference! I want it to be of the really good variety.
The reason I remembered this tonight was because I was thinking about how mean so many people were to one the boys I went to school with, who is now a friend on facebook. I remember how mean 'Coachy' was to him in P. E. in grade school. Which brought me to thoughts of how mean some peers were to me.
There was an accident playing baseball when I was 7 years old that ended with the baseball bat connecting with my teeth, and my two front teeth, most of them, on the ground. I had two silver caps, that was the only solution in 1964. I became Reera Kay Silver Tooth. When I was in 4th grade, one of those caps got swallowed with sticky candy, and never replaced. I had a silver cap and a diagonally chipped tooth. I became Reera Kay Snaggle Tooth. Every year at Christmas time everyone sang to me, "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth, my two front teeth..." When my mouth became full grown, just before I entered 10th grade, I was overjoyed when my dad took me to the dentist and I got porcelain caps. I thought it would mean all the difference in how I was treated....but... I became Reera Kay Rabbit Teeth. It wasn't everyone, and it wasn't all the time, but I don't know how many years it took for me to look in the mirror and feel that I wasn't ugly!
I remember the Dunnagans. They lived in our area for about a year when I was growing up. They were a very poor family. The oldest was a girl named Donna. She was SO protective of her little brothers! They were not very clean. From what I understood, whether it was hearsay or not, I don't know, they lived in a shack without any running water. They were taunted and made fun of unmercifully on the bus. One day, Donna got on the bus with a horrible burn on her arm. You would think people would be concerned and want to help....no, just another thing to make fun of. They moved shortly after that. I have always been so ashamed that I didn't defend them.
Words can lift us up to where we feel we can conquer anything, give us confidence, make us feel like a Prince or Princess, even if we are rather plain, encourage us, etc. Or...they can make it hard to breathe.
Remembering these things helps me understand how vital words are. I can make a difference! I want it to be of the really good variety.
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