Everyone in life goes through similar phases. Some of those phases can last longer than others. We make choices along the way that have a tendency to dictate how long some of those phases last. Having 6 children in 8 years made me an empty nester much quicker than others my age. And many other things. I'm really grateful the choices I've made haven't led me into paths of harmful, addictive phases. Not that all of my choices have been the best! But I've had the ability to see far enough ahead to know that the consequence of those choices would not equate into the life I wanted. Now, I need to clarify, the choice of good food, in quantity, has led to 30 lbs. I wish I didn't carry! But there is so much good in my life.
Today is my 55th birthday. My double nickle year. As I look back at my life, it's passed really fast! There were times I thought would never end; there were even a few times I didn't want to end; then there were the times I wanted life to end...I'm glad it didn't, I would have missed a lot. Everything that has happened in my life makes up me and after a lot of years, I kind of like who I've become!
I used to look at people a lot differently than I do now. It was so much easier to see their faults than the things that were inherently good. I wasted a lot of good years doing that. But I'm doing better, and hopefully that will continue. Through visiting teaching in my church, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I have learned that good often comes in surprising packages. I have been asked to visit teach some wonderful ladies who never go to church, those who go to church every week, and some who go now and then. Some of the roughest personalities in these groups have become my best friends. I would have never met them, if I hadn't been asked to visit them. I'm so glad I visited and had tenacity, they have become some of my best friends. There are those who never go to church who would give the shirt off their backs, if I was in need. You kind of expect that in those who go to church every week...but some of them don't have that quality. Obviously, people interrupt being a Christian differently.
Love is the great qualifier. If you truly love someone, there are SO many good things to find in them.
My mother in law, Allie Mae Losee Smith always saw the good in others. I never heard her say anything bad about anyone, ever, even when she was baited. More impressive than that, Stan never heard her say anything bad about anyone. He told the story of a man in the community where he was raised, Dugway, Utah, who was truly a miserable individual, there was really nothing to like about this man. When he died, there was a lot of talk about how the world was so much better off without him. In the middle of one of these discussions, Allie Mae's contribution was, "He had such a beautiful head of hair." She helped teach me to look for the good, even when you had to look really deep, or at least on top of their head.
All of us have a side we have no desire for anyone else to see. However, with human nature as it is, there are times when 'the dark side' slips out. Inevitably, someone will see, or be the victim of it. Some of these people are in the grocery store and we may never be able to show them the other side of us. However, most of the time, my dark side has been shown to those I love the most, my family. The absolutely incredible aftermath of this is my family loves me! I believe my children and husband have shown more unconditional love to me than I have to them. They have been so forgiving. That's the miracle of love.
The older I get, the more I understand, and crave, the gift of family. None of us are perfect, there are SO many personalities involved; which also involve likes, dislikes, preferences, choices, desires, aspirations...the list could go on and on. But we are family!!! And somehow, this has the ability to transcend the differences that can be annoying, irking, worrisome, disappointing, or whatever emotion we might add to the mix. Family is there after friends may go. At least this has been my experience. I realize there are others who can't say this and my heart aches for them.
THANK GOODNESS FOR DIVERSITY! Our world would be a pretty boring place if we all liked the same thing, or had the same capabilities, or...a lot of other things.
In a family, there is the celebration of success, the sadness in other's suffering, even when that suffering has been self inflected. There is the compassion and prayers for those who are needing something...and isn't that all of us? There is the joy in the moments of reunion, we don't see each other often. There is looking at caller ID or a text from a child and knowing they had the desire to share...whatever...it doesn't matter. Even when they are needing a shoulder to cry on, it's good they know that the shoulder is there for them. So many in the world don't have it.
One thing I tried hard to teach my children is that even though life isn't fair, we have the ability to make our little part of it as fair as possible. Not just the ability, but I feel the responsibility, to make it as fair as possible. There will always be those who rain on our parade and try to take that away from us, but we have the choice of how we will react and how our lives will go forward. There have been many times I have had to remember my own council.
Since the end of May 2011, we knew we would be moving to Carthage, Missouri, and were excited for this new adventure. We DID think Stan would have a job here when we got here, it was a bit of a blow when that wasn't the case. Having never had a great deal of extra money, finances have always be a bit worrisome to me. We spent a lot of money, most of our savings, to get us here and to buy the property we have.
The truly amazing thing during this was the peace I felt. Peace has been a difficult commodity for me to come by, and fairly fleeting. But in the last few years, Peace has found a place in my heart.
I started going to the Missouri Career Center early in November, doing testing, applying for jobs, etc. By the end of January, I have to admit, I was getting a little discouraged and anxious; but my fingernails were not bleeding, the nails were intact. Peace. I had started applying for jobs I didn't want, at all, so I could get a job. I went to a temp agency and applied through them.
I finally received a phone call last Wednesday, February 1, for an interview. Insert happy dance! Then I went for a plant tour with the shift supervisor I would be working with. That went well, I like him and he seems to like me...now I just need to prove myself to him. On Thursday, I was called and offered the job, they asked me to come in, fill out some forms, order my uniforms, and sent me to the Medical Clinic for a drug test (pretty sure I passed) and physical, at the end of which the doctor said, "Good luck with your new job." I will probably start work on Friday. I opted for the night shift, 6 PM to 6:30 AM, so I would be able to go to church on Sunday. With all the many blessings I have received, I feel it is important to show my gratitude. For 4 weeks, the schedule is Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, then for 4 weeks it is Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, with mandatory overtime on other days.
Manufacturing is hard, 12 hour shifts are hard, overtime is mandatory, I will be working a lot of my 'days off', but when so many don't have jobs, I do. For this I am very grateful. I'm grateful my health is good enough to work. I'm grateful I will receive medical benefits...getting older has been a little rough on our bodies. I'm grateful there will be enough to pay the bills. There is SO much to be grateful for. Peace.
It is a little before 1 AM on February 6, my birthday. Already on facebook I have received 5 birthday wishes from Kirtland New Mexico, where I was raised, Kiev Urkaine, and other places throughout the states. I know by the end of the day there will be many more. When Stan wakes up, he will have birthday wishes for me. Throughout the day, my wonderful children will call. I'm sure I will hear some of my 13 grandchildren singing "Happy Birthday" to me. I have been told to 'expect' a package that will need to be collected so nothing will happen to it! Friends and family will wish me well, and I know they love me. What more could anyone ask for?
LIFE IS GOOD!
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